I am 39, profitable and am fairly effectively off. My siblings, sadly should not. My brother, 42 has Three kids. My sister 35 additionally has 3, with one on the way in which. My youngest sister, 28 is married and pregnant, however she had nothing to do with the occasions of this put up. We had been all raised to consider that cash does not matter and all you want is a contented marriage and many children to stay a contented life. Being poor and having plenty of children was by some means glorified. Possibly as a result of that is the way in which our dad and mom lived and needed to persuade themselves that they did not fuck up.

Luckily for me, I did not purchase into that nonsense. I at all times knew I by no means needed kids. I centered on my profession and on attaining success. Right this moment I’ve my very own home, great pets and a loving boyfriend. My household nevertheless, appears to assume that there is one thing improper with my way of life. My dad and mom have usually commented that my 5 bed room home is empty with none children operating round. My siblings usually inform me I am egocentric for not having children and truly having fun with my life.

Nonetheless, their disdain for my “egocentric” way of life does not cease them from begging for cash. My brother and sister have known as me and requested me to assist pay their payments. Now, if it is one thing severe like garments or college provides for his or her children, I am prepared to pitch in. However I at all times refuse after I’m requested to pay for journeys to amusement parks and so forth.

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I additionally paid for my dad and mom to remain in a excessive finish assisted residing facility. They’re my dad and mom, I felt that I owed them this a lot. (I’ve moved them to a much less luxurious facility due to one thing horrible they did. I am going to make a put up about that too, in case you’re ) Nonetheless, I could not assist however really feel insulted once they sang praises for my siblings for breeding and following of their footsteps and the way my dad and mom want I had completed the identical. As if, amongst all their children *I am* the most important disappointment. Because of this, I’ve distanced myself from them. I solely name or go to to investigate cross-check them and do not allow them to be part of my life.

The opposite day, I bought a name from my sister asking if she, her husband, my brother and his spouse might come over. I mentioned OK. They requested me to depart my fortune to their children, in equal parts. And if I did, they’d cease asking me for monetary assist. They mentioned this as in the event that they had been doing me a favor. “You do not have children, so who’re you gonna depart it to?” requested my brother. I advised them I used to be going to depart my cash to charities and that I do not owe them shit. Once they went on the “you are egocentric” tirade, I advised them to get misplaced.

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The subsequent morning, I bought a name from my dad telling me they had been upset in me. I merely hung up.

​

The one member of the family who has stood by me is my youngest sister. She really has her shit collectively and I couldn’t be extra pleased with her.

​

EDIT : This is what my dad and mom did to deserve the downgrade.

After the altercation with my siblings, my dad and mom tried a distinct technique. They tried to candy speak me and all of a sudden their tune had modified from “You are so egocentric” to “aww! we did not imply it. Lets speak”. So, after they saved pestering me have a phrase with them in particular person, I invited them over.

Now my dad and mom know rattling effectively that chocolate is unhealthy for canines, however my mother has tried to provide them some on many events. Once I inform her off she at all times comes again with “however perhaps they prefer it” and “I used to be simply being good”. This time once they came visiting, I left them in the lounge and went to the kitchen to get some refreshments. Whereas I used to be there, certainly one of my canines came visiting to greet them. I might see them from the kitchen. My mother petted him for some time, then reached into her purse and pulled out a bar of chocolate. She broke off a bit and was about to provide it to him after I stormed over and knocked it out of her fingers.

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My dad and mom regarded shocked. I used to be enraged. Even after being advised repeatedly that chocolate is unhealthy for canines, they simply did not get it. Once I requested my mother what the hell she was doing, my dad really began yelling at me and advised me I used to be being impolite. I advised them both they had been full idiots or they had been deliberately making an attempt to harm my canine. I advised them I used to be sick of their BS and that they had been on very skinny ice with me. Once they tried to argue again, I grabbed my dad by the arm and walked him out the door. My mother adopted.

​

This was lower than a month in the past and some dys in the past, they had been moved to a a lot much less soft facility. They will not be mistreated, I might NEVER enable that to occur. However all they’re going to have are nutritious meals, medical care and a tv they’re going to must share with the others. The great totally furnished mini condo they’d earlier with all types of luxuries will quickly be a distant reminiscence.

84 COMMENTS

  1. My own sister just told her kids that when my husband and I die we are leaving everything to them because we don’t have kids. First thing is she didn’t even think about my husband having nieces and a nephew, second thing is she didn’t talk to us about this. No we are not leaving anything to her kids.

  2. Make absolutely sure you have a will written ASAP by the best lawyer so they can’t contest your will should something happen to you. You have to SPECIFICALLY write out relatives, you know. It also helps to enclose documentation on why, such as a list of the times you’ve bailed them out, saying that they already spent ‘their share’ of your money.

  3. Instead of giving them money for school supplies, start offering to buy the actual supplies yourself or take the kids shopping for clothes. If you just give them money, they’ll use it as they see fit. Also, yes would like gear what your parents did at the high end living facility

  4. I highly doubt they would stop asking you for money, once you signed the papers I’m sure it would start up again that very week. I don’t think they see you as family, since you don’t own up to the family lifestyle they treat you like less than family and more like an ATM. It’s YOUR money and you can do whatever you want with it and honestly it would terrify me that they were asking me to will my money to their kids because you’re only 39, are they expecting you to die suddenly so your will would pay for their kids colleges or something? Your brother is actually older than you too and sister only one year behind.

    It a personal choice to have children and you should NEVER bring a child into this world if you don’t want kids, it only causes trouble in the end so you are being responsible and knowing your preference on the subject. I want kids but not like my sister who has had 4 and is constantly struggling and DEEP in debt because of this too, she also asks for money from me and other family members but I have recently cut her out of my life completely because I just cannot support her financially or emotionally anymore.

    BTW I would love to know what your parent’s said that made you move them into a lesser assistant living center, it must have been bad.

  5. If I were evil, i’d be tempted to offer each of they (say) 10 kids 10% of your fortune each when you’re gone, but for each time anyone mentions your lack of kids, or asks for money, 1% comes off and goes to charity.

    Then, at random points I’d deduct 1%, noting a rule was broken so touch bickies.

    Watch them freak out and implode as they try to figure out who’s doing it.

  6. Just wondering, have you ever used the “I dont need kids, I get all the love I want from my furbabies” line? When you talked about how adamant your mom was about trying to feed your dogs chocolate, after already trying to cajole/force/demand/ect. That you have kids… my first thought was, what if shes intentionally trying to kill your pets, so she can point out some BS about ‘real’ kids being able to tell you when their sick, or… I dont know. Maybe this group has made me a bit paranoid/cynical, but please, from one pup parent to another, keep an extra eye on them when any of your kin are around. Even the nieces and nephews… Grandma might talk them into it.

  7. I fond it hilarious when people who are the ones always having a hand out yo others, making financial requests, as if entitled to what you have, what you worked hard for, but when you say no do for yourself, you are called the selfish one.

  8. I’m appalled…..

    Chocolate can actually kill your furry baby. Not always, but it has happened.

    Maybe subconsciously that’s what they are wishing for so you have more money for your siblings and your siblings’ kids. Twisted I know but hey! after the way they’ve behaved towards you anything is possible.

    I’m deeply sorry you have to go through all these problems with them and your two siblings. Thank GOD for the good sister, at least you have her.

    You’re doing a great thing honoring your parents supporting them in their old age, you should be proud of yourself. Remember that the Fourth Commandment talks about honoring our parents, not loving nor putting up with their shenanigans.

    Edit: P.S. As an adoring mom of two adults (F32, M29), parenthood is overrated especial in this time and age when the world is so messed up and up side down. And I’m telling you this even when my two kids are good people. Now that I have them, of course I adore them but I can support and understand not wanting children.

  9. You should give something nice to your youngest sister, make a big deal about how she was always nice to you, and then they might start to follow lead, but then you don’t give them anything

  10. First of all, kudos for having excellent boundaries with your whole family. I’m also heartened that the children of these entitled siblings will have you as an example of how you don’t need to procreate to be living your best life and that you can focus on a career and live a wonderful life on your own terms if you want. This should help break this cycle of poverty but tons of kids thing your parent drilled into their kids.

    Secondly, definitely get an excellent lawyer to make your will air tight.

  11. Gotta love their logic there. “Hmm we want OP to share their wealth with the children we favor, and trying to shame them into doing it isn’t working, so lets try poisoning OP’s dogs.That will work out in our favor for sure!” For real though, they’re lucky that you’re willing to pay for their living situation at all because it sure as hell doesn’t sound like your siblings could afford to do it.

  12. NTA, your family are fucking losers chief, except for the sister I would move, change my phone number and not give them any further way to contact me. Just because they’re family doesn’t make you bound to them forever.

  13. You may also want to make sure your dogs have a trust set up…and that you have “and then’s” in case the first trust recipient/sanctuary turns out to be not so great/goes out of business/changes hands…
    Pet trusts are a whole thing on their own. Expect some people to respect the integrity of the trust and others to exploit and or break it any way they can.

    You make me want to plan again. Good luck.

    Edit: the giving the dogs chocolate thing? I’m sure you know the possibility that that wasn’t an accident. At the same time, if you go off about it in front of the wrong people, you will come off as the unstable person…which works for some unscrupulous people, too.

    It’s a case of just because you’re paranoid doesn’t mean there’s not someone after you.

    One has to react without the reaction being connected to the original injury.

    This is crazy. But that’s how it works.

  14. On the one hand ,I can understand parents trying to set up their children for a better future. On the other , how can you treat your sibling like an ATM with no feelings ? What the fuck?

    I have an uncle and aunt with no children. They have a fairly successful small business , she has nephews and nieces (who are better off and in the US) on her side of the family. If you know anything about Indian culture , it’s that everyone’s business is your own business and its very patriarchal. This is an attitude that is so violently pervasive in my family.

    Cue in the patriarchy , I’m the only nephew on the husband’s side of her family whose parent is a man. (My dad’s sisters kids are much older and much better off too). My mother has explicitly told me that you should not expect a penny from her ( that’s how she was raised) , my father expects that once they pass everything will come to me , something that he never explicitly states , btw.

    My mother’s family also has a patriarchal angle , but they are less intrusive and much more egalitarian , if you will.

    The sad fact remains , there are people who expect me to run their business , as an heir apparent even though I have no interest or skill whatsoever . There are people who actually straight up push past her to talk to me about their business. I barely visit their business , she practically runs it .She works 60-70 a week atleast for their business. Words cannot describe how humiliating it is for her , her husband excuses this kind of behaviour from clients and employees as well. My family still blames her for not conceiving , something I cannot truly understand how painful it is.

    And she resents me for this. I cannot blame her as well. I try to avoid them because of how overtly religious and intrusive they are , otherwise they are okay people. We have a love/hate relationship where I am the only one who tries to empathize with her in my family(any issue whatsoever is her fault according to my extended family) but she also hates that “I’m angling for her money”. I don’t really mind the money (who would) but I don’t want it at such a cost that there’s so much pain and heartache.

    Your nieces and nephews deserve to know how you feel , they are children who most likely have no idea of how you feel.

    The worst part of this , is that somehow childless people are not valuable enough to society. You’re in your late 30s , my aunt is barely in her 50s. Both of you have a life yet to live , you are not expected to curl into a hole in the ground and die.

  15. People intentionally trying to kill dogs with chocolate while knowing what will happen is what I hate the most. If it’s your first time, I’m fine. You’ll learn, unless you’re like these genetic breeders who aren’t really considered as parents

  16. I can’t understand trying to hurt a dog, what did your mother even think she would gain by doing that? Would you suddenly want kids? Or like would you suddenly want to give your money to your nieces and nephews?? I’m really sorry for your family treating you like this, and I hope it doesn’t get you down too much.

  17. You’re selfish for not having kids?

    Maybe having kids without the means to take care of them is actually MORE selfish. Like imagine bringing some people in this world to endure years of hardship because you wanted to.

    I’m sorry you’re going through this. Like others have said, make sure to specify who gets what in your will. Best of luck to you!

  18. If your parents are that disappointed in you for your lifestyle, why do they take your money then?

    You’ve done enough. Reduce their lifestyle to the bare minimum. Stop any form of help to the siblings. The more you give, the more they’ll “need”.

    I am the first one to condemn using money as a guillotine over the heads to get what you want, but this time, I’d highly recommend you do that. There are other, less disappointing children of theirs to take care of them

    Edit – Just saw your edit and felt a jolt of satisfaction run through my body

  19. I never understand the whole “you’re selfish because you don’t want children” crap. To me, it’s the other way round, parents choose, for their own gratification, to have children, that’s hardly a selfless act (not knocking parents here as I have 2 kids myself but we do do it for ourselves and not altruistically). How are you selfish for not choosing to bring another person into this world for your own amusement?

    I would imagine your mother is intentionally trying to hurt your dog, maybe she thinks you’ll breed if you don’t have a dog or you’ll have more money to give out without the financial burden of your pooch, either way she deserved the downgrade and I wouldn’t let her in my house ever again. They clearly aren’t grateful for what you do for them.

    I would also stop pitching in for your ungrateful siblings, it’s clearly created an entitlement to your money and, if you were to try and leave money to your SO, they may well fight for your cash because they can claim you were supporting them. They made the kids, they’re entitled arseholes who see you only as a walking wallet, maybe it’s time to let them take care of their kids themselves and see if that sweetens them up a little.

  20. My 42 old stepbrother who acts nowhere near his age thinks my dad is leaving him lots of [things.My](https://things.My) dad is leaving said stepbrother 100 dollars or so and nothing else.He has loaned money to stepbrother of mine at times in the past and has not seen a single penny of it [back.My](https://back.My) mother and brother are getting the rest of the stuff in my dads will.And some stuff for [me.Me](https://me.Me) and my brother are grateful for what we get.And the biggest kicker is my dads ex wife has brainwashed my stepbrother into thinking my parents (mainly my dad) is super rich which isn’t [true.Dad](https://true.Dad) turns 70 in 29 days.And my brother considers my stepbrother a s***** person that he wants nothing to do with.

  21. I don’t understand how people hate other with no kids and think is “selfish” to not have kids and actually like they’re life like if you don’t like the life you have then don’t have kids and who are you being selfish to? There no child to be selfish to so there no point of calling someone”selfish” for not having kids

  22. When I think of people that go ‘when you die can you leave money to our kids’ I think it kinda sounds like their plotting to kill you in a way. I dunno if it’s just me

    Anyway op you did the right thing. Your family are leeches and have no respect for you or your pets, so you did the right thing to cut them off.

  23. Even when the financial balances are turned, you still get screwed over if you’re childless. I am by no means rich, but I look after myself and never had to loan money from anyone. My brother is a financial planner and always made much more money (but still managed to loan $100,000 of my parents and still hasn’t repaid it, but that’s another story). However the big difference he has kids, and I don’t. Nevermind that he doesn’t have custody and only sees them a few times a year now, he still produced grandkids.

    So now my mother has started giving family heirlooms to my brother and the kids. These include things like the pin and bracelet *I* wore when I was a baby. For some reason the fact that I am still alive and might want these mementos of my own life doesn’t seem to matter. All that matters is the grandkids and the ongoing legacy, like we’re some sort of fucking monarchy. It hurt me quite a bit when I found that out, and the realisation that I’m not going to get any of the furniture or keepsakes I grew up around for 18 years, and that instead it’ll all go to the grandkids, who have barely even seen these things before and don’t value them. Makes me feel very much a lesser part of the family. And then they beg me to come visit all the time and wonder why I don’t want to.

  24. OP did you post it before? I swear I already read it somewhere.

    And that’s the kind of hypocrisy we point out a lot in /r/childfree

    “I don’t approve your childfree lifestyle, but fund mine anyway”

  25. Can I ask why you haven’t cut contact with any of these people who seriously just treat you like a bank?

    Why are you still paying for your parents retirement they don’t value you as a person because you haven’t responded. You don’t owe them for birthing and raising you.

    It is ok to cut off toxic family members for your own sake.

  26. Honestly, I’d turn to your parents and siblings and give them a taste of reality. Lie to them, say you have actually decided to have kids but as you’ve seen how it’s such an expensive issue for them, you’ll be saving all your money for your own needs. No more help with bills or your parents.

    When they obviously kick off, say “oh so now its selfish to have kids and not have kids? Or maybe you actually don’t give a crap and if I did have kids, you’d expect them to go without so you still get what you want.” Then tell them no, you’re actually not having kids, but you’ve learned plenty.

    Honestly, you seem like a great person, because I’d cut everyone off without a penny in your place and karate chop anyone trying to hurt my dogs. Hell, I hope your siblings are putting in money to your parents assisted living. If they’re not, I’d send them a message saying you’ll never leave them any money because they’ll never stop expecting you to pay out. Even if you don’t ask, you’re still financially responsible for something they should also be putting into.

    Make sure your will is nice and airtight, maybe add a nice statement to be read on why you don’t want them to have a penny so no one can argue your intentions. Hell, I’m mean so I’d leave random people money to add insult but you seem better than me.

  27. If you haven’t already done so, come join us over at r/childfree. I’m glad you stood up for yourself, to your siblings and your parents. I also agree with you, there is way more to life than breeding.

  28. All these people complaining about her 5 bedroom house.. how about you realize you shaming her for not having kids to fill the room is EXACTLY what her family is doing. Try shutting up? 🙂

  29. You know, I’m not exactly well off or anything, my own fault of course. But I could never be that delusional as to think anyone in my family owed me a damn thing. Just makes no damn sense.

  30. Your mom obviously is trying to kill your dogs off because she thinks if they are gone you’ll be game to have kids.Do not trust your parents alone with your dogs again. This is typical manipulative narcissist behavior. You must be the scapegoat in your family of narcissists. My family is exactly the same so we don’t talk anymore. I cut them off. Best decision ever. I have no intention of leaving anything I have earned to kids in my family and would sooner it go to animal charities or even the state first. I have instructed my husband that if anything happens to me don’t tell them and don’t give them anything that belonged to me.

  31. IMO the best thing you can do with your money is spend it (of course put enough of it aside so you can keep spending it when you’re old). You’re the one who earned it, so you deserve to spend it. Take nice vacations, try out interesting hobbies, etc. If you make so much money, that you’ll never be able to spend it all before you die, give to charities now, when no one can contest it.

    However, maybe a few of your nieces or nephews might turn into decent adults, despite their parents, and if you do end up dying before your bank account reaches zero, you might consider leaving them a bit, just to spite the others that will turn into shitheads.

  32. So grateful for my functioning dysfunctional family. My brother and I decided to go child-free after growing up in a single parent home and I think our dad would be disappointed if we did have kids. He prefers grand-pups.

  33. You’re a much nicer person then me . . . I would have stopped paying for any care for my parents and dropped one of them off at your brother’s house and the other at your mother’s house and told them that this solved all of THEIR problems since now your siblings had built in childcare and house servants and your parents had a free place to live.

  34. Your family (with the exception of little sis) are greedy jerks. Not only are they NOT entitled to your money, they’re talking about your money as if you’re 89 instead of 39. There is every possibility that you’ll live another 50+ years – which gives your nieces and nephews plenty of time to make their own damn money

  35. I think what you need to hear and might be why you came here in part is the reassurance that you are not at fault and DONT YOU DARE FEEL GUILTY. ever, please. You have been nothing but graceful toward your family who’ve tried to treat you like a wallet. They’ve clearly also insulted you relentlessly on top of that. As much as you love them what they did, from an outside perspective just looks so malicious to someone theyre supposed to love (a sibling)

  36. I don’t get it really, you don’t owe them anything. Why the hell you are paying for their living is beyond me. I’m guessing your siblings pay close to zero and reckon the visits from the kids is enough but me thinks it’s time for some hard life lessons. If my family treated me with this level of disrespect they’d be done.

  37. I find it pretty unnerving that they would be trying to discuss “where your fortune goes when you die,” while you’re all still pretty young and seemingly healthy… If for no other reason, I would leave the kids nothing specifically because them wanting to talk about your will kind of sounds like you might suddenly have a “tragic accident” in the coming months.

  38. My parents got my step dads sister into a similar very nice mini apartment assisted living but she complains about the food constantly. Even before they got a new manager and her claims where more valid about food quality going down hill but I would LOVE to be in that apartment on my own (technically I’d live by myself) she basically wants my step dad to be her nurse maid and before the pandemic hit had him hanging by his thumbs demanding he take her here and there taking up most of his week and driving up his blood pressure on more than one occasion. this pandemic has been a blessing for my step dad and their considering moving her to a different facility cause she “wants a pool and better food.” Keep in mind she is paying 3 grand a month for this apartment. It doesn’t come furnished so you have to bring your own furniture. It’s also one of the bigger rooms they have.

  39. “Selfish” is having more kids than you can afford.

    These fucking turds who think anybody owes them anything, ugh. They concoct whole fictions in their heads of how your money belongs to them, and then get mad when reality doesn’t play out.

  40. I knew I’d seen that chocolate story before! Read your AITA post a while ago. All I can say is – your parents and siblings – save for the youngest sister – seem to be toxic, so I think limiting your interactions with them is the best course of action.

  41. People are insane. I have no siblings, 2 dogs, a kid on the way and a childfree SIL whom I adore and who’s been spoiling my son rotten from the moment we announced we were pregnant (and there’s still 3 months to go!). Would I love for her to leave her assets to my son? Of course, I’m a (soon to be) mother, I think it’s normal to want to be able to give your children the best possible future, and sadly money plays a big part into it. Do I expect her to? Hell no, I’m humbled and incredibly grateful for every tiny onesie she’s bought for him cause she’s not under any obligation to spend any money whatsoever on him. Way to give a good example to their kids, I feel bad for them and the adults they’re likely to turn into if this is how they’re raised.

    Edit: If anyone tried to poison my dogs I would yeet them into the sun, your parents are lucky they’re not living under a bridge after the stunt they pulled.

  42. Don’t bite the hand the feeds you. You would think your parents would have enough sense to know that their cushy retirement abode was being paid by you. To keep trying to feed your dog chocolate which is poisonous to them is cruel and rude. Not only did their mission in the name of your nieces and nephews fail, they’re lifestyle is much different.

    On the bright side, your siblings are probably going to take you seriously from now on. If you’re willing to do this to your parents,then what won’t you willing to do?

  43. OP from a legal perspective make sure to have the documents state that anyone you dont want having anything is left out intentionally due whatever reasons so they cant contest. IDK where you live so things might be different but I know where I live siblings and their chikdren can indeed contest

  44. Glad you punished your parents for trying to hurt your dog and for trying to strong-arm an inheritance outta you.
    Are any of those people (nice sister not included) allowed to your house anymore?

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